Jane’s Caring Story

Becoming a carer for my husband was something I always knew might happen one day. But I imagined it would be years from now—when we were older, maybe retired, with grown-up children. I never expected it to happen in my mid-30s, with two little ones still needing me just as much.

No one is ever fully prepared for the challenges that come with being a carer. We muddle through as best we can. But sometimes, muddling through just isn’t enough. Maybe I’m unwell myself, or I’ve been up all night with one of the children—or with my husband. When I’m tired, stressed, or stretched too thin, even the simplest tasks can feel overwhelming.

On those days, I find myself avoiding eye contact with other parents or teachers in the playground—scared someone will ask how I am, and I’ll fall apart in public. It can feel incredibly lonely, even when I’m surrounded by people.

I stumbled across Portsmouth Carers Service by accident while scrolling through Facebook. I’d never heard of them before—no GP or professional had ever mentioned support like this.

What caught my eye were the photos: carers at a cookery session, smiling and laughing. They looked so happy—like they were just enjoying life again. It made me wonder… could I feel like that too?

So I sent them a message.

After a few messages back and forth, I arranged to have a carer’s assessment. Talking to someone who truly understood made me realise how little I’d been looking after myself. Even basic things like eating and drinking properly had slipped. I realised I’m not alone—and that it’s okay to ask for help or to say I’m struggling.

I’m still a work in progress—I haven’t quite made it to a cookery session yet. But with the support of my keyworker, I’m starting to prioritise my own health and wellbeing.

I’ve started swimming again, and I’ve asked the grandparents to help with the kids so I can carve out a little time for myself. Even ten minutes here and there helps me reset.

And I’ve realised something important: looking after myself doesn’t make me selfish—it makes me stronger. A better carer for my husband, a better mum for my children… and a better me, for me.

Written by Jane, a carer from Portsmouth.